My parents have been divorced since I was a toddler. They would alternate who would have me and my little sister on Christmas day. The 26th was always the other parent’s Christmas. For the entirety of my Santa Christmas wonder years I was told Santa made trips on Christmas Eve AND Christmas Night. Every year I would pack up all my toys and new clothes from one parents house and play with...
HO HO HO IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME HO HO HO IT'S...
martin-johnson: Miley Cyrus: Rumor has it...
As a toddler, my family said I was too pretty to...
theboyinquestion: Tonight, they’re saying the same thing about my three year old cousin. We got another gay. My sister’s son is a very pretty toddler. He loves to play house and dance and he and my sister like painting each others’ toes. HIS FATE IS CALLING!
"And I saw his face. Now I'm a Belieber."
livelimelight: - Dannerzz
So the first floor…ugh…I don’t know what they are doing....– Ricky, my extremely gay and adorable neighbor
Nancy: What are those?
Guillermo: I'm training for a half marathon. They're my barefoot shoes. I'm connecting with the Earth and avoiding heel strike.
Nancy: You don't look very fit.
Guillermo: Yeah? I got my resting heart rate down to 58, bitch. So fuck you.
Dan: Anyone who uses the word "plethora" is a fuckhead.
Danielle: I USE THE WORD PLETHORA!
Dan: You're a fuckhead.
Danielle: ...what about "cornucopia?"
Dan: Also stupid
Dear Prince William,
Holiday Inn, come. Meet me on the 8th Floor. Damn it feels good, but I feel bad for them maids, though. But, when I slip inside I turn girls into Slip-N-Slide. Love Always, Snoop